The couples’ therapy as well as good marriage counseling put a knowledgeable third party in the position to see those things that you are not able to and point them out to you. For instance, the reasons behind the reactions, the options which you may not have thought of, intentions, hidden expectations, possibilities, consequences of your actions and words, beliefs that you may not realize you hold and others.
You may get unstuck when you would go for a couples’ therapy. There could be something about the relationship which is not right and regardless of what the two of you have done to change things didn’t work. You may also not know what to do to start with. An objective observer could help you find the ways out of your situation.
If you go for good counseling, then this can reveal the flaws in your cognitions that are the perceptions or thoughts you have formed and now apply to make sense of the present. For example, your spouse may walk away at times if there are arguments and you view this as uncaring. She might say something and leave in an unrelated event. In her mind, she has passed along that piece of information and gone through her business. You think that this is just another example of the uncaring spouse because of the many arguments you’ve had.
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A good counseling could help you determine the cognition that you have such uncaring spouse so that you will be able to find out if it is true or not. Are you aware of the reason why she would walk away if there are arguments? It is certainly not enough to know how the relationships are working in general but to how you as well as your spouse can relate, given your various beliefs and personalities. Good counseling can show how the incompatibilities can be transformed into such a pleasant thing.
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With a good couples’ therapy, then you could have a perspective to your spouse if you can’t and this would help you see the perspective of your spouse too. Such is not just about learning the skills in communication. This is also being able to understand how the other can have a point of view that conflicts with yours. This is not just about changing the way you think but you must also accept that the other has a different but still valid perspective.
If your spouse doesn’t like to opt for a couple’s therapy but you want to go for help, then you can get marriage counseling all by yourself. What you must do is to make the counselor know that you aren’t there for individual therapy only but you are also seeking marriage help.